do you ever get the feeling that there's more you were meant to be? Like there's so many other ways you can be defined, not just by the labels people at school or work tag you with. I know I do. I get that feeling all the time, particularly when I look at the way people see me.people see me as agressive.they're not sure how to approach me because i always wear this guarded expression on my face.i don't smile at strangers.i don't laugh much except with the people close to me.i'm a tough nut.it's not easy to get me to open up.but once you do..i bare all but my soul to you..
even so, it still feels like sometimes people don't take the time to look deeper.to glance beyond what they see on the surface.like for instance, nobody's ever really Bwondered exactly why i'm so agressive.they don't know the kind of person i was back when i was thirteen,fourteen.i was your average girl next door. i wasn't a saint,i didn't gel with just anybody, but i always found that i had it in me to bring out a smile and exchange a few words.
not anymore.
back in my early,impressionable teenage years,i was stuck in a pretty dark place.i had nobody around me that i could trust.people looked for a scandal,they wanted to look for a scapegoat they could spread rumors about.my dad was kind of a hotshot working where he was, and he was a big man in the neighborhood.i guess i was the easiest target.they walked and trampled all over me,took advantage of my trusting nature.it wasn't a hard job to get friendly with me,i was a generally happy person then.okay,so i wasn't the chirpiest person in the world but i was anything but sullen and distrusting.i always gave people the benefit of the doubt and eventually,i realized that my faith in people in general was wasted on the people there.they all just turned around and stabbed me in the back later.
life was pretty tough then.all i wanted was to find a friend or two i could trust,talk to,shop with...just your average girl things..i wasn't looking for a soulmate.i just wanted somebody to talk to.
i never found that person.at least,not until,by a divine miracle,my dad got a transfer to a different city at an even bigger post and i finally found myself some friends.but after that i was much more cautious.people say i'm a bitch.that my moods are unpredictable and it's so hard to approach me because i always wear this look like i'm about to bite the other person's hand off.
but i'm not.i'm not that person.at least,i don't want to be.i don't want to be bitter or sullen and completely unapproachable.i was never that person and it's not who i am now.but how do you change how people percieve you? and even more importantly..how do you get yourself to commit yourself to the change and make it stick?
The Girl Behind The Words
- Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
- i'm only 18,but im in the middle of a war.and im not trying to make any cheesy cliche's either.we are literally,at war.i write this from inside my room in islamabad,the capital of pakistan,reputed to be one of the most dangerous countries in the world.i'm not so sure aboutthat.it's dangerous here,true,but..i don't know.it's home.i love it.no matter how hard it gets,i could never leave this place..even if it means risking all our lives.it feels hopeless sometimes,like the war will never end.none can hope to win this war,all we are doing is displacing thousands and thousands of people from their homes.people are dying,they're losing their lives,their loved ones..and there's nothing i can do except pray that God willing,things will get better,that the war WILL end. until then,there is only thing i can do.continue to pray,and try to escape it.and the only way i can do that is this.writing about it.this is my escape.all anybody really wants is to be heard,right?i'm no different.everybody has a voice.it's time for us to rise and speak out.
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