The Final Cut

what happened,simply put,was this :

somewhere in this extremely dysfunctional phase of our friendship, i and queen B had a fight..i don't remember about what exactly.it was probably another crazy something that she'd done that i'd disapproved of,i expect.anyway,point is,we weren't talking,it must've been at least a week of solid silence when i got the text..

oh God,that text. It started a wave of drama in my life that i have to deal with practically every day now..

so i'm just sitting there,reading or something,the details are fuzzy..and my cell phone beeps to let me know i've got a text message.it's from queen B herself.i know her too well to know she's not texting to apologize,so i open it wondering what she could possibly want to say..

the text said : "i have to tell you something"

i wrote back : "so tell me"

i got this reply : "i have a boyfriend,we've been seeing each other for eight months"

so that was shock number one.not the boyfriend part.after all the crazy antics i expected it.but eight months?! she'd lied to us for eight months?!

and the cherry on the cake was,i knew of the guy.and frankly,he's bullcrap.that's what her excuse for not telling me had been. "i knew you'd never approve of my seeing him so i kept it from you"

of course,first thing i did was grab my phone and ring up merry.

"do you know?!" I asked her breathlessly
"yeah,she texted me about two hours ago to tell me"
i frowned "two hours ago?and why didn't she tell me at the same time she told you?"
"you were at school remember?" in the school i study in,which isn't the same as merry,i have school on saturdays too "besides," she continued "even the fact she texted you is big.she wasn't going to,she said i'm going to wait till we make up to tell her.thats when i told her that either you're going to tell her now or i sure as hell will"

me,still dazed : damn,she hid this from us for eight months
merry : it could've been forever,the only reason she even told us is because she spilled the beans to one of her friends in class and she was afraid of what we'd say if we heard it from somebody else,so she's playing it clean and honest.

me : okay.now what.i'm really not inclined to forgive her at the moment
merry : this is the height of it.after everything she's been up to,this is just the icing on the cake.

we let off steam on the phone for well over an hour before we decided we were going to stop talking to her,period.completely give her the silent treatment.

and that's exactly what we did.oh she apologized,sure she apologized.but none of it was heartfelt enough to move me to let it slide.i could handle her friends,i could still be friends while she was becoming into this alien paris hilton clone.

but a violation of my trust..that's something i've never been able to forgive and never will.

once queen B realized her apologies weren't moving us,she went from being apologetic to downright insulting.she hurled insults,told me i was a crappy friend,that i was only there for her when it was all fun and games to which i replied "excuse me,you're the one who lied to us,you're the one who kept your issues to yourself and wouldn't let us in,you didn't tell us about your parents issues ( yes we found that out also) , you didn't tell us about this loser boyfriend,and YOU were the one who shut us out,so don't go blaming us for not knowing,this is all you"

needless to say,she didn't like that very much..

so then she ranted and cursed and cussed some more and me,having my temper issues and all,would not have been able to contain my anger so i just stuck to the plan and ignored her.

since that time,there has been only a fortnight that we talked,in the middle when one of her friends from middle school died and she was seriously upset about it (okay,the friend was kind of a dimwit too,he died in a driving accident because he was going the wrong way on a one way road,deliberately,apparently he was too busy racing another guy to notice traffic regulations) but still,it was her friend,you know? so i was there for her,or i tried to be.i called her up every half hour to see how she was doing and i met her and we spent some time together for a while.but then she got over it and went right back to square one and i was frankly,disgusted.she was never going to change and there was nothing i could possibly do about it,so i just told her goodbye and we haven't talked since

except for fighting.she's taken quite a fancy to stalking me and sending me insulting messages or trying to provoke me.okay,i have a seriously hot temper but even i stopped getting mad about what she'd say because she'd say it so routinely and so often to try to work me up that it just got old.and ever since then,let's just say,i've seen who she really is.you only really find out what a person is like when you see how they treat people other than their special friends.okay,im not just some person,i'm supposed to be the enemy here,or as far as she's concerened anyway.but i've had dogs bite me who probably mean better than she does.she is,i can sum it up in one word,poisonous.she wants to poison things between us forever,i just want to be able to go on living my life without her and she keeps coming back with another dramatic entrance where she tries to demean me,my life,my faiths...it's just too tiresome and i don't want to deal with it and i just wish she'd butt the hell out but she won't.and i'm so sick of it.i'm not the kind of girl who butts heads with somebody forever.i'm quick to anger but equally quick to please,and it's just not in me,this feud that seems to last forever.there's no extent to how low she goes in her efforts to demean me and degrade every last inch of my life and she's in serious denial.she refuses to take responsibility for her life,she's convinced that me and merry are responsible for our splitting apart,and now she plays the "oh pfft,whatever,im soooo glad they're gone,especially that bitch,oh God she was such a freakkk,can't believe i was ever friends with her" card.this was after she played the victim card so everybodys all "poor girl," but she's not.she's a shallow hollow girl who only cares about partying and i don't miss her at all.do i miss the bright eyed,curly haired girl i was first friends with?yes.very much so.but not her,not who she is now.this is somebody i just don't recognize....