And the next thing I know, it's eight forty five in the morning, and my mom is yelling me to get off my lazy butt and out of bed.
I went online that day after I got back from school, same as I do every other day. There on top of my facebook news feed, was a link for a youtube video that a distant cousin of mine had posted. I clicked open the link, and began viewing it from my Facebook page. The video was about Blackwater. What it's supposed to be. What conspiracy theorists say it really is. How there are Blackwater agents right here in Pakistan. Apparently, there've been quite a few sightings of them in Peshawar and areas in the Frontier. They've been spotted driving in sleek, expensive jeeps, dressed all in black..
I couldn't sleep that night. I was scared I'd have another nightmare. And i was so freaked by my dream and what the video seemed to confirm.
I didn't have a nightmare the night after that. But then the night after that I did have one. In that dream, I was passing by one of the neighborhoods, just driving through, minding my own business, when I hear this collosal noise, and when I lift my head up, there's a big mushroom cloud in the sky beneath which the sky's growing a hazy brown and grey with the growing smoke and dust rising in the air. In my dream, this entire apartment complex, incidentally, the ones right next door to the ones that collapsed during the 7.6 magnitude earthquake that killed over 80 000 people on october 8th 2005. It's a bomb. But not a suicide attack, like most are here. It's an intentionally dropped bomb. It sounds crazy, i know. For one, you don't exactly get a mushroom shaped cloud when a small territory is targeted. But that's what i saw.
When I told my best friend Mer, she said all the violence and bombings in the country, everything tht we're going through, with people dying everyday and bodies littering the streets after attacks, it's no wonder this is beginning to have a psychological impact on us. I guess she's right. No, scratch that. I KNOW she's right.
It's just scary, that's all I know.
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It's so surprising how much it can affect you...no "surprising" is not a good word...more like "crazy". That's crazy. I'm just glad you're writing this all down, getting this out of you. Honestly, I had no idea how bad it is over there. The news here can be so bias sometimes, we often think they're underdramatizing things...guess I never understood. And the thing is that your writings are authentic...it's the story of life in war...in hate.
ReplyDeleteI'll pray for you.
thank you.i need prayers.we all need prayers.you wouldn't believe how crazy it is here, not knowing if you'll make it through the day...
ReplyDeleteI will never be able to completely understand HOW you feel right now, but I do have an inkling of it. Bombay was rocked by terrorists for just 7 days, and the effects, both physical on some people and psychological on most, still persist.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine what you must be going through, living in c constant state of fear.
When the Bombay bomb blasts happened, I used to get these visions of gyrated necks and bloody corpses and nightmares about massive explosions and people dying. All this, when, by the grace of God, it didn't affect me or anyone I know personally.
You're not going crazy, these are just terrible times. I don't really know what else to say, except, stay safe. :)
♥W.O.W. I'm not MARJORLY relaguis, but, god,I sure pray for you now! I.........I can't imagine. Wow. I really can't. I cannnot tell you how bad I feel for you......I agree with BlackIvory...............Yes. Wow. I'm so sorry. Remember that you'll always have a return to inasense one day. Good luck.♥
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