Hiatus

I don't find myself writing much these days. I don't know why. Writing was something i did everyday. It came naturally to me, as breathing and eating and drinking do to a person. It's not that I don't have anything to say. Far from it..

But I've seemed to lose track of the words to say them in. I muse over the things going through my head, churning over and over in my brain and trying to make sense of the thoughts going through my head and the feelings I'm feeling. It's not easy anymore. There's so many thoughts going through my mind all at once. I worry about school, about my grades, about the fact that I'm still struggling with the people I'm hanging out with. They're not my friends, they're more my friends' friends. I actually kind of hate them. But I'm finally taking a stand and deciding who I want to be happy hanging out with. I've seperated,so to speak,from them now. So clearly,there's a lot I have to deal with and do. But most of all...I pray.

Even as I write this, I'm struggling. I can't seem to figure out how to best phrase this massive web of confusion that's wrapped itself well around my head. I've lost what little grip I had over the words I chose to describe what I was going through. I guess I'll just come right out and say it. All of it.

More than anything, I find that there's fear in my heart. Fear of what's happening. Fear of what I don't know.Fear of what's to come..

Everyday seems to be a struggle. And deep down, in the pit of my stomach, there's dread. Quite a bit of it. I dread what I fear is inevitable. I'm scared that there's a clock ticking by somewhere, counting down the seconds till everything that's been happening in my country blows up in our faces and somebody else decides to take control.

It's consumed every bit of me. It's taken over my consciousness, and my subconsciousness, seeping into my dreams and turning them into my worst nightmares...