So it's been two weeks since i started college. and let me just say,to all those that claim uni days are going to be the best of my life...if THESE are supposed to be the best days of my life, hell, i'm in for a very miserable lifetime..!..
It's not that it's a bad university. Hell, my university is considered to be a very good college,and it has a really good crowd, no issues with cheapsters or fraaanshippers thus far. My issue is me. I've always been sort of low profiled, but people always knew me name. they knew who i was, where i came from, what sort of person i was..
But here for some reason i'm just kind of blending into the background. i guess it doesn't help when the one friend you have to hang out with is a complete social butterfly and people,particularly guys are falling over themselves right left and center to get a chance to get close to her.
Let me clear your misconceptions straight off. She is not sweet. She's not even honest. With herself anyway. she's fun to be with, she has a great sense of humor...and she's also completely and uncontrollably vicious when it comes to boys. She lures them in, gives them a false sense of comfort..makes them think they're the most interesting things in the world...all to get their attention...
But the minute she DOES have their attention...kersplat! she drops them like a hot potato. And the poor boy is left pining for more while she whines about how he's getting too needy and that she needs someone aloof..
She never even dates any of the guys...she just manages to make them think they have an inkling of a chance with her and then cooly tells them that no,they don't. It's all very cruel and very twisted, and she's pretty, but come on, you've got to be friggin meggan fox to attract that kind attention!
Basically..she's in it for the chase. Like just yesterday,i got this text from her saying she was obsessed with a new guy. She pointed him out to me in bahria between classes. He was cute,with brown messed up hair and a clean cut look to him. He also, did not look at her once, let alone give her the time of day. That was the whole point of the fascination.
So that's her new boy toy for the month. She said,and i quote "ughhhh,i have to get him!!!he didn't even look at me once.not once! shoot,he's like a shiny new toy i can't have :( " Is it really bad that I felt annoyed when she said that? I've made no secret of the fact that her boy addiction irritates me and makes me want to shake her sometimes?
With a friend like that by your side, it's no wonder nobody pays you any attention. Not when though you're friendly and open, you're not bold and vivacious, and you're relatively shy when you meet new people. And since I have absolutely no experience with guys, having studied in a government school where I preferred not to socialize with the cheapsters there, i have to wrack my brains to think of things to say when a guy comes up and says hello. See, I'm an excellent judge of character. No,seriously. I'm not trying to be a complete snob here,but i AM. Especially when it comes to guys. A guy need only walk up and say hello to me and I can tell you in two seconds flat whether he's a loser trying to grab your attention, or a guy geniunely worth getting to know. My friend, obviously, does not. I tell her so on a daily basis!
Anyway, the point is, with my friend grabbing everybody's attention, guys and girls alike, and me blending into the background with her at my side..i've been feeling very small lately. She has all these guys, some wanting to be with her, and a lot just okay with being friends. But nobody really pays me any attention, singles me out to talk to...nobody has since I got here anyway. other than the stupid "will you fraaanship with us" which doesn't do wonders for my confidence anyway. What is wrong with me? Why is it that people, guys and girls alike, don't see in me what they do in her. and by her, i mean this friend of mine. am i a people repeller? i don't think so. I'm fairly pretty. I'm not as tall, and I'm smaller than she is in general, I'm moderately thin and only a 5'4. I have brown hair that grew out of all the frizz and bad proportions almost a year ago. It looks pretty good now, if i do say so myself. I have a pretty good face shape and almost everybody I first meet,comments along the lines of 'how on earth are you so fair, it almost hurts to look at you'. I guess my British lineage from my mom's side (my gran was a Britisher, she came from Yorkshire) and Pathan lineage on my dad's side has something to do with it. And I don't play mind games with anybody. What you see is what you get. Then why am I not good enough for everybody else?
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it's only been 2 weeks! very few friendships that are struck this early ever last through the 4 years so consider yourself lucky!
ReplyDeletesecondly, it's only natural for guys "try maarna" on girls such as your friend within the first month or so; hell I've done it and the one girl I was really infatuated with I became cool with, but barely spoke to over 4 years! As far as girls not giving you any attention; I'm not going to say anything coz it's women and they're hard to figure out :P
All I'll say is, give it time! I know what it's like being a freshy, I did a lot of stupid things to get everyone's attention, but some of the best friends I made, I got to know from second semester onwards! So, just go with the flow :)!
i'm not going to consider myself lucky but thank you all the same! i just start getting an inferiority complex because i'm not used to living in anybody else's shadow..hell,I'D usually be the one everybody went along with.i've been called lots of things : fun,clumsy,melodramatic,loud,hard to get to really know, and extremely bitchy(as per the rep in my last school.but i had to be bitchy.there were some very retarded individuals and one too many fraaanshippers who would not go away so i tried plan B : scaring them off,and permanently.and it worked well for me,so i stuck with it for a good three years.but i got a bitchy rep along the way,and only my close friends really had any idea who i really was or what my ideals and morals were) ive been all that and more,but NEVER a follower.thats just not me
ReplyDeleteand when people start to notice a friend,and treat me like they're humoring me because i'm a friend's friend,i take it personally :/ so that makes for a lot of messed up self bashing on my part :/
but 'go with the flow' is the best advice i've gotten so far :) i'll take it! :D
ReplyDeleteeverybody else has their own notions of what i should be doing,it's a relief to hear from someone that i should just let the waves carry me where they may.i just hope they don't bash me headfirst into the rocks :/
Helloe there!
ReplyDeleteFirstly Im so glad i stumbled upon your blog :)
I love the name. "Confessions of a...."
It's one of my favourite lines to use.
plus it's great to be able read a blog from across the border (I'm from india)
Secondly, I've been to two colleges. Believe I know exactly what you mean. people don't understand you for who you are. f you ae not too much of an extrovert then I'm sorry to say this it will take you time. Months may be. But everything will fall into place eventually once you find the right set of friends.
The girl u are hanging out with right now is not right for you. Your personality types don't match. She seems like the kind of people who indulge in shallow mind games to get attention, which you most certainly never should do.
the guys she gets are probably equally stupid. And you're probably better of without them. So take your time, observe people, pick out the right set of friends and start hanging out with them.
And don't have too many expectations. You will be thoroughly disappointed. The process is quite slow. And you might even meet a lot of people you will be put off by. But dont give up :P
Best of luck and adios :)
Aww,i appreciate the constructive critique! :) it's not that she's shallow,nothing like that.she's a sweetheart,most of the time,when she's not having one of her moodswings,that's one of the things we have in common.we are both incredibly moody at times, though our reasons for being so are completely different.
ReplyDeleteand okay,she thinks most of those guys are nice, but yeah, i do think a lot of them are stupid.she just tends to realize that a little too late.though there's this one guy who i know a little distantly too who's a complete sweetheart! i tell her on a routinely basis that she's a beeyotch for using him but she laughs it off and so do i because i don't want to push the issue.
i do agree that when she's at school, sometimes she gets very, VERY distant and then she feels like a completely different person, especially when she's hanging out with people i don't know, and then i feel awkward and start going 'why the hell am i the third wheel here?' in my head. but she's a good friend and my only company so far at univeristy, so i've tried not to complain about it too much. i'm just really confused because i want to make like a butterfly and break out of my cocoon,because i'm friendly,but i'm not a social butterfly.i'm not quick witted and easy words don't come out of my mouth so conversation isn't as easy for me as it is for this friend of mine.which is why she has a ton more friends at university thus far than i do.
but then,i ask myself : she's not as picky as i am.not nearly!i pick my friends very carefully,and if i were in the same position,would i be friends with as many,and some of the kind of people she copes with?
the answer is a definite no.so i guess i'm still in my shell for now!
Well it's not the number of friends that matters...but who your friends.
ReplyDeleteSo i say stick by it.
Pick wisely :)