So...today's my birthday.happy birthday me.i've officially turned eighteen.finally legit and all that jazz.but you know what.i've never been more bummed out on a birthday.except maybe my fifteenth.but that was a complete nightmare,i was the only one in the house all day because my parents were out on business,my brother in isl and my gran kind of not there.i sat around staring at the walls and doing my homework all day.and since it was kamra in those days, there weren't exactly friends dropping by to wish me a happy birthday.
but this one still comes pretty close on the list.
so ever since i started college,i've been going kind of out of my mind.i've always been kind of confident and collected on the outer edge but i've never been more insecure about myself.me, myself and i just don't seem good enough these days.today was day 3 of my first week as a freshman and it's still been just me and an old friend from school, and she's lovely,mind you,but i just want to meet some new people and kind of gel in as a group somewhere.my freshman batch is clique ish like you wouldn't believe and unless you're in one, you kind of don't belong anywhere.which sucks for me,because apart from this friend, i've been flying kind of solo.i've made a huge effort to meet new people, but they just kind of smile at you for two seconds,introduce themselves, say hello and then turn their backs on you to return to their respective cliques. it's pretty hellish annoying. i've never been one for cliques and when i'm with friends at school or whatever, we usually kind of party as one big unit instead of being in small groups of three and four.
okay, so not trying to be a snob here, but none of my classmates seem as...animated,as i am.i'm kind of a free,positive, carefree soul. i'm not the girl huddled in a gaggle of other girls and giggling amongst ourselves.i'm the girl that's in the big circle of friends laughing out loud and open with having new friends at all times.and these people just...aren't.what does a girl have to do to find some friends she can talk to to spend some time with anyway?
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so i'm reading this a week after you've written this...situation any better? if it's still the same, it takes time! i've seen it happen, and the cliques usually form based on school backgrounds i.e. from the same school - whether they like one another or not!
ReplyDeletesuggestion: try talking to an individual before class, or after class, or between classes; ask for notes or something, or just make a general comment on a professor or the course or life as a freshman even. Someone or another will relate and things will start from there.
I know how you feel about being the most free-spirited person at your school. I feel like I am so much more open-minded than everyone else at my school, and sometimes it is tough. Sometimes I don't understand why some people aren't as accepting as I am. But I think it's great that you have a free spirit! Thrive in it, and embrace it! AND happy belated birthday! :) I wish you had a better one.
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